SHAME: The CORE of ADDICTION and CO-Dependency

Shame is so painful to the psyche that most people will do anything to avoid it, even though it’s a natural emotion that everyone has. It’s a physiologic response of the autonomic nervous system. You might blush, have a rapid heartbeat, break into a sweat, freeze, hang your head, slump your shoulders, avoid eye contact, withdraw, even get dizzy or nauseous.

Why Shame is so Painful

Whereas guilt is a right or wrong judgment about your behavior, shame is a feeling about yourself. Guilt motivates you to want to correct or repair the error. In contrast, shame is an intense global feeling of inadequacy, inferiority, or self-loathing. You want to hide or disappear. In front of others, you feel exposed and humiliated, as if they can see your flaws. The worst part of it is a profound sense of separation — from yourself and from others. It’s disintegrating, meaning that you lose touch with all the other parts of yourself, and you also feel disconnected from everyone else. Shame induces unconscious beliefs, such as:

• I’m a failure.

• I’m not important.

• I’m unlovable.

• I don’t deserve to be happy.

• I’m a bad person.

• I’m a phony.

• I’m defective.

Chronic(Toxic) Shame in Addiction and Codependency

As with all emotions, shame passes. But for addicts and codependents it hangs around, often beneath consciousness, and leads to other painful feelings and problematic behaviors. You’re ashamed of who you are. You don’t believe that you matter or are worthy of love, respect, success, or happiness. When shame becomes all-pervasive, it paralyzes spontaneity. A chronic sense of unworthiness and inferiority can result in depression, hopelessness, and despair, until you become numb, feeling disconnected from life and everyone else.

Shame can lead to addiction and is the core feeling that leads to many other codependents’ symptoms. Here are a few of the other symptoms that are derived from shame:

• Perfectionism

• Low self-esteem

• People-pleasing

• Guilt

For codependents, shame can lead to control, caretaking, and dysfunctional, nonassertive communication. Shame creates many fears and anxieties that make relationships difficult, especially intimate ones. Many people sabotage themselves in work and relationships because of these fears. You aren’t assertive when shame causes you to be afraid to speak your mind, take a position, or express who you are. You blame others because you already feel so bad about yourself that you can’t take responsibility for any mistake or misunderstanding. Meanwhile, you apologize like crazy to avoid just that! Codependents are afraid to get close because they don’t believe they’re worthy of love, or that once known, they’ll disappoint the other person. The unconscious thought might be that “I’ll leave before you leave me.” Fear of success and failure may limit job performance and career options.

Hidden Shame

Because shame is so painful, it’s common for people to hide their shame from themselves by feeling sad, superior, or angry at a perceived insult instead. Other times, it comes out as boasting, envy, or judgment of others. The more aggressive and contemptuous are these feelings, the stronger the shame. An obvious example is a bully, who brings others down to raise himself up, but this can happen all in your mind.

It needn’t be that extreme. You might talk down to those you teach or supervise, people of a different class or culture, or someone you judge. Another tell-tale symptom is frequent idealization of others, because you feel so low in comparison. The problem with these defenses is that if you aren’t aware of your shame, it doesn’t dissipate. Instead, it persists and mounts up.

Theories about Shame

There are three main theories about shame.

1. The first is functional, derived from Darwinian theory. Functionalists see shame as adaptive to relationships and culture. It helps you to be acceptable and fit in and behave morally in society.
2. The cognitive model views shame as a self-evaluation in reaction to others’ perception of you and to your failing to meet certain rules and standards. This experience becomes internalized and attributed globally, so that you feel flawed or like a failure. This theory requires self-awareness that begins around 18 to 24 months old.
3. The third is a psychoanalytic attachment theory based upon a baby’s attachment to its mother and significant caretakers. When there’s a disruption in that attachment, an infant may feel unwanted or unacceptable as early as two-and-a-half to three months. Research also has shown that a propensity for shame varies among children of different temperaments.

Healing Shame

Healing requires a safe environment where you can begin to be vulnerable, express yourself, and receive acceptance and empathy. Then you’re able to internalize a new experience and begin to revise your beliefs about yourself. It may require revisiting shame-inducing events or past messages and re-evaluating them from a new perspective. Usually it takes an empathic therapist or counselor to create that space so that you can incrementally tolerate self-loathing and the pain of shame enough to self-reflect upon it until it dissipates.

Treatment of toxic shame is paramount in addiction and codependency recovery, and in the GATS Program it is a major part of the recovery program. Call us TODAY 08 8363 3392 for more information or assessment and admission.

If you or someone you love is in the grips of addiction or/and Codependency pick up the phone or email us. Ph 08 8363 3392 Email gatsservices@bigpond.com

Addiction Recovery Australia: The Road is LONG

The road is long

"The road is long, with many a winding turn........."


Never have truer words been spoken - especially when it comes to substance addiction recovery.



When we first decide to crawl out of the darkness and take our tentative steps in the light of sobriety, it's an amazing experience. We begin to feel stronger and our reasoning abilities become a lot clearer.

......then the emotional crash, the "honeymoon" period is over.


Perhaps you have experienced this and know what I mean. The "high" of making the decision to clean up and detoxing has gone. You are now back in the community and facing it on it's terms, learning to cope.


You may be alone, isolated in your pain that "normal" people can never understand. You grieve for your lost "friend", even though that friend was actually your worst enemy. You become irritable, uninterested, depressed -perhaps even suicidal. This can lead to a "bust", a bust you may never recover from -remember, that if we are addicted we cannot control our substance intake. The "just one more time" may seal your fate. And as we all know, there are worse things in life than death -the insanity of addiction. You may not be lucky enough to die the next time.

Many of us have experienced this phase, the "emotional roller coaster". For me, it was as though all the colours of the world were washed away. There was no point to anything, my mind constantly went back to the dark days. I was guilt ridden, self-pitying and unmotivated. I was very hard to be around. While others who knew me congratulated me on my efforts, I saw only failure as I didn't feel "right". I felt the same way I did at the age of 13 when my hell really began.

There is a reason for this - in a lot of ways, I was still 13. When I began gambling, a great deal of my emotional growth stopped, the gambling was my coping mechanism. At the age of 24, it began again. There was a steep learning curve ahead.

But don't worry, this phase does not last forever. For me it was one year. For you it may be a few weeks. It depends greatly on your network of support and more so, yourself.

-If you are experiencing this, it is imperative that you build a network of people around you that understand what you are feeling. These people are the people who have long term quality recovery. They will know when to hug you and tell you that everything will be OK, and they also know when to kick your butt and tell you to "get over it"....tough love, but necessary.

-If the environment you are in threatens your sobriety, leave it. I am serious...whatever it takes, get the hell out of there! You may be saying to yourself "I can't leave, I can't afford to" or "People are relying on me to be around". It doesn't matter - remember where you have just come from. If you finish up back there again, you may never re-emerge.

-You may have friends who are still practising addicts. Stay away from them if they do not respect what you are doing to improve yourself. It is in the nature of people who have the disease of addiction and are still practising to influence you in subtle ways. In a great deal of cases, it is not on purpose, but more a subconscious thing.

-Start putting routine into your day. I'm not suggesting too much, too soon but keeping busy is a great way of keeping your mind off things. As you become more productive, your self-esteem switches on.

-Re-establish a sleeping pattern. Your body has been through hell and back. It needs rest, and your brain needs to sort things out on many levels. Be prepared for nightmares involving the past including using dreams.

Even though you may have no apparent cravings, your subconscious yearns for another hit and expresses this in your dreams. The nightmares are alarming at first. There were many times that I woke up in a pool of sweat.

-Eat regular meals. I am a fine example of a toxic waste dump when it comes to things of a dietary nature, but I learnt early in my recovery that cravings could be lessened through eating something. Some alcoholics will probably find that they will develop a sweet tooth because their bodies are used to high amounts of sugar. So, if you wake up at 3 in the morning and eat a quart of double chocolate chip ice cream smothered in fudge, don't feel guilty! It's better that than what you were using before! However be aware that this could switch to a serious Eating Disorder which can also KILL YOU.

-If you find yourself feeling angry a great deal, this is also normal. It is important to examine the anger and not just lash out using whatever situation you are in as a scapegoat. Whatever is going on,it probably will pass, however this is important to look at. This is where you may need to speak to your therapist, or a sponsor. A big part of recovery is to become emotionally healthy. Therapy is very important in the first few years, so as to facilitate the process of emotional health. Remember that our addictions where often used to medicate these uncomfortable feelings. if untreated they may remain serious triggers to relapse.

Some of the points above may seem fairly drastic and harsh, but this is a life and death situation. And unlike some other terminal illnesses, addiction destroys everything in it's path as it destroys you - your family, your friends and anyone you come into prolonged contact with.

The advice above is not mine; it was given to me and I now pass it on to you. The easy way to remember the points is the HALT statement

The 4 Don'ts:

H-ungry
A-ngry
L-onely
T-ired

Good luck to you in your recovery, there are people out there who care about you, even if you don't know them....

"You alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone"
If you or someone you love is in the grips of addiction, or is struggling in their early recovery dont hesitate to call us Ph 08 8363 3392, and let us help you.

ADDICTION IS A DISEASE NOT A DISGRACE!!
THE GATS PROGRAM www.gatsprogram.com

ADDICTION: The Stages of Addiction

ADDICTION DEVELOPS IN STAGES AND IS PROGRESSIVE.

The Stages Of Addiction

There are six stages of addiction.

Stage one is learning. We discover an addiction as a survival skill, a coping mechanism. Often, this discovery is made in childhood. Some addictions aren’t discovered until adolescence or later in life. We find some way to distract us from our pain, something that helps us survive or cope with the emptiness of self, with our fears and anxieties.

After learning how to distract from this pain we move into the seeking stage. We establish a trust, a relationship, a belief system that the addiction will work for us. WE establish patterns and begin the rituals of addiction, seeking it and looking for new experiences with it.
The third stage is harmful dependency. The addiction has escalated, the rituals have become elaborate and rigid. Preoccupation becomes obsession and trust becomes a blind faith that the addiction will take care of us. The high of the addiction is now an attempt to cope and feel normal. Harmful consequences come in this stage.

Stage four is the controlling stage. We try to reduce the addiction and its impact on our lives. We cut down, we make decisions to stop, we go on diets, we quit for Lent or we change the relationship. In this control stage, we often switch to a new addiction. Quit smoking and start shopping. Quit drinking and start abusing food. Quit gambling and start spending or overworking. We may concentrate on one addiction and ignore the others. We usually control our addictions for a time, but go back to the harmful dependency.

Eventually we hit the acute stage. We lose important things in our lives and our priorities are affected. We may suffer a loss of family, friends, health, self respect, money or job. We lose our values, spirituality and sexuality.

Finally the chronic stage of addiction is met when we’ve lost all of the above. We’ve truly hit rock bottom. In our culture we have a belief system about when we can intervene with an addict. We believe we have to wait until the addict is completely broken and they have to want to help. An addict who has hit bottom often has nothing to recover for. There is so much despair and helplessness that they do not want help and sometimes can’t be given help.

If YOU or someone you love or care about is in the grips of any addiction call us today for specialist help and guidance. The GATS Program
Ph 08 8363 3392 (7days) Website www.gatsprogram.com

Meth Addiction triggered by WEIGHT LOSS in Girls: Rehab Australia

INTERVENTION SERVICES AUSTRALIA

Here in THE GATS Program we are noticing a disturbing new trend of teenage girls and young women who use the drug crystal meth to lose weight -- up to 18 kilograms a month.

This is a recipe for disaster. This combination of body image issues and the drug's weight loss appeal.

Crystal meth, the street version of the drug methamphetamine, is an a very addictive stimulant that causes elation and alertness in addition to curbing appetite. Meth users can smoke, snort, inject or swallow the drug. They usually ingest a crude combination of cold medicine, brake cleaner, fertilizer, drain cleaner and iodine along with a myriad of other chemicals.

Meth is an appetite suppressant. It's a drug that will give you stimulation for 12 hours, with no need to eat and no need to sleep. It's also cheap -- between $5 to $10 per hit -- and has consequently been labelled the "poor man's cocaine."

Young women know and find out quickly that there are drugs that do reduce your appetite and cause you to lose weight, and meth is so affordable.

At GATS we are recording and alarming increase of calls from parents of teenage girls aged 12 to 18. These women have such a distorted body image.

According to the World Health Organization, methamphetamine is the most widely used illicit drug in the world after cannabis. We're in this era of stimulant drugs -- "the need for speed". But when it comes to body image, we also seem to have the need to be thin.

Methamphetamine has been around for decades. It was marketed in North America in the 1920s as a weight-loss drug. It was touted for its dietary benefits. It's amazing that in the first place this drug was used was for weight loss.

Meth is relatively simple to make. There are thousands of recipes on the Internet and police estimate that an investment of about $150 can yield an amount worth about $10,000 on the street.
But it also has lethal side effects. Meth use can cause insomnia, hallucinations, paranoia and anxiety as well as heart problems, convulsion, brain damage and death.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS IN THE GRIPS OF METH ADDICTION CALL US TODAY FOR IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE. SEE OUR E-BROCHURE -HERE- FOR MORE PROGRAM DETAILS

PHONE 08 8363 3392 (7days) FOR ASSESSMENT AND ADMISSION PROCESS

Alcohol and WOMEN: The GATS Program-Rehab Australia

She wakes up groggy with a tremendous hangover, then makes a startling discovery. She is not in her own room, not in her own bed, and not alone.

Oh, no! I'm in bed with a man! How did I get here? I don't remember. Did I we have sex? We must have! Did he use protection? Could I be pregnant? Could I have a sexually transmitted disease?

How did this happen? Everybody else was drinking and apparently having a good time.

She was not drinking any more or less than her companion, and he seemed to be in control. How did she get so out of it?

The simple answer is women get drunk a lot faster than men. Even allowing for differences in body weight, a woman will attain a higher blood alcohol concentration than a man from the same amount of alcohol. This may be because women have lower levels of Alcohol Dehydrogenase (ADH), an enzyme involved in the metabolism of alcohol.

The end result was, while her date was drinking right along with her, he was simply not getting as drunk -- while she was drinking herself into a blackout -- and later he took advatange of the situation. It is a scene that has been played millions of times.

Other Risk Factors

Getting drunker quicker is not the only risk for women who drink to excess. Women are not only more sensitive to alcohol, may become addicted sooner, may develop alcohol-related problems more quickly, and many die younger than men with similar drinking problems.

Women usually have drinking patterns similar to those of their husband or lover and their friends. But because of the biological make-up of their bodies, develop alcohol-related diseases sooner, according to a study by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University.

Plus there is growing evidence that women are at an especially high risk for the health and social problems caused by alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs, compared to their male counterparts.

Growing Problem

Recent studies have indicated an increase of alcohol and substance abuse problems in the general female population. More women are drinking to deal with stress, according to health experts in a National Opinion Poll. More young professional females are drinking more after work , while mothers with small children are drinking more frequently at home.

Now that more women are in the work force, they have come out in the open with their drinking. A quarter of women questioned in the poll admitted having an alcoholic drink every day, with the same number drinking more heavily on weekends.

Women are also beginning to drink more early in life. In the early 1960's, among girls, about seven percent of the new users of alcohol were between the ages of 10-14. By the early 1990's, that percentage had increased to 31 percent. On top of this, girls today are 15 times more likely than their mother to begin using illegal drugs by age 15.

Other Factors

Women first caught up to men in cigarette smoking in the mid-1970s and their rate of lung cancer soared. Now, according to a new study by the Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, women are catching up to men in the consumption of alcohol and the use of drugs.

To make matters worse, treatment of substance abuse in women lags behind because the female anatomy is more complex and they face greater social stigma that hinders treatment. Only 14% of women who need treatment get it, according to the Betty Ford Center.

Women simply pay a higher price for alcohol abuse than men.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS IN THE GRIPS OF ALCOHOL ADDICTION CALL US TODAY FOR IMMEDIATE CONFIDENTIAL HELP. SEE E-BROCHURE HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION AND COSTS

CALL US TODAY 08 8363 3392 (7days) International Patients Welcome